There's Nothing New

I thought that I had them over a barrel. I thought that finally, for all of the sensationalistic "news" programming emanating from their Ted Turner endorsed minds, I had CNN right where I wanted them.

Towards the end of last year I started seeing a segment on CNN called "What the...?" during the noon time broadcast by Kyra What's-her-name. At first it merely annoyed me, as I had than name for my website since February of last year. Not that it's a domain that I bought, but it was my original idea. Here was this shiny, pre-packaged, cheap tabloid on cable television flaunting my idea like it was theirs.

Oh, I would make them pay...oh yes I would.

First I would give them enough rope, then I would let them dangle by the neck with all of the proffered slack. I sent a "courtesy" email stating that I had just noticed the segment, and asking how long it had been on the air. I cackled as I pressed anticipating the response. I was sure they would admit to 6 months or so...and then I would spring into action.

They came back with the answer that Kyra Bottled-red-hair had been doing the segment for about 5 years. I came up from my pouncing position long enough to scratch my head in perplexed. 5 years...huh? Then I grew incensed again. I wouldn't take their word for it. No, I went to the foremost authority on useless informational crap. I went to the internet and searched on "What the...?" to see what it had to say:


What the...?

A virus?

I have to say that it wasn't what I wanted to see. I've been called some not-so-great things in my life, but saying that my website is viral...it's actually kind of cool.

But no, that couldn't be it. I would have vindication! I entered the security password...a couple of times because they are hard to read...and finally came up with the results that made me feel all room temperature inside:



The closest that I came to was a band that had been around for longer than I have drawn breath, and a Marvel comic parody that I can't recall ever hearing about (which is odd, I should have known about the comic book thing...)

So, my righteous anger petered out to a slightly gassy sensation. I put away my barrel (no one would go over it this day), and I decided that there was nothing new under the sun. Since Solomon coined that phrase about 5,000 years ago in the book Proverbs (probably paraphrased by the time he said it), I felt the need to give it my own spin. I like astronomy, I would come up with something new-ish under this sun, or one of the visible planets between Earth and the sun.

So, to sum up:

1. Still not a fan of CNN
2. Kyra stole from others, not me
3. If it's not new under the sun...it's just as old under Venus.

So here is the inaugrial blog for my newly dubbed website...which I still refuse to pay to call my own.

Who is the Top?

I'm not quite sure what it means to be "the top." I don't know if it is a height thing, or if it has something to do with spinning...or what. I just don't know. I can say that there are a few things that I do know about the top...but most of those things I learned from the Cole Porter song. If he thinks he was pathetic when he waxed those words poetic...yet he thought it best to get them off of his chest. I am not just parading by my own serenading in a pretty little ditty thus expressed:

Jen's the Top! She's the Coliseum.
Jen's the Top! She's the Louvre Museum
(pronounced LOOVE by the way.)
Jen is the melody from a symphony by Strauss.
She's a bendel bonnet,
a Shakespeare sonnet,
(I won't say that she's Mickey Mouse...though it does rhyme with Strauss.)

So I can't say enought about my wife. I know that it's not our anniversary, or some special day that I should remember (at least I "think" that I know these things...) I just had an enormous outpouring of emotion for her, and I had to say:

Jen's the Nile! She's the Tow'r of Pisa.
She's the smile on the Mona Lisa.
I know that I'm a worthless check, a total wreck, a flop!
But if I'm the bottom, Jen's the top!

Jen's the Top! She's Mahatma Gandhi
(just with better cuisine tactics.)
Jen's the Top! She's Napoleon Brandy
(non-alcoholic...'cause we're Mormon.)
Jen's the purple light of a summer night in Spain.
She's the National Gallery; she's Oprah's salary,
She's the Spaceship 1 plane
(I had to update these lines because the original's have been "topped" so to speak...)

Ok...that's enough of that. The song goes on and on, and frankly is outdated by quite a bit the further on that it goes. I am sure that some of the comparisons are still timeless; but who knows anything about the Whitney Stable or the moon over Mae West's shoulder anymore?

So, with the graphic that I included you can plainly see that I am the speck hiding behind the smallest blade of grass at the bottom...and there, above even the guy dropping the cat off of the top of the known universe, is Jen. Click on it if you need to make it bigger. I got it off of this great site called xkcd.com....it's great and you may want to check it out for yourself.

She is the top.