50

So I turned 50 yesterday.  50! That seems like a milestone year. I had a great party with friends. My mom showed up, no brothers came. My sister, who lives in town, said happy birthday over Facebook along with my friends scattered around the world, or people I barely knew in high school.

I’m not surprised, really— or maybe I shouldn’t be surprised is more accurate. My birthday inconvenienced the family from day one. That’s what happens when a person is born at 3:30 am on Thanksgiving morning. Outside of the household, everyone oohs and aha over the little one— something to be grateful for. That is not the attitude inside the house— at least that has not been my observation.

There is so much to do during the week of Thanksgiving. How can they add a birthday party on top of that? What about when the birthday lands right on Thanksgiving Day? It’s clearly just too much to even think about.

So instead of my favorite German chocolate cake as a platform for the candle blowing out ceremony, I got candles stuck in a pumpkin pie. No matter what day it fell on, my family just said happy birthday and gave me some presents after the meal on Thanksgiving— everyone was there anyway. Why waste that convenience?

As for parties with friends? Forget about it! All of my friends were at their grandma’s houses eating turkey. So I never had a birthday party with my friends. I never got cards at school or any of that.

On my 16th birthday, another milestone, I felt like Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles— no one even said “happy birthday” to me. That felt pretty good (not.)

Now I know that some years my parents put in more effort than others. Like the year I got a remote controlled R2-D2. That stands out in memory. Or the year we all got shigella from something we ate that week and had to be quarantined.

True story.

This year I felt the love from my friends— my chosen family. I’m grateful to them for the surprise they planned for me. I mean, I had to pick up the cake and buy some chicken— so I knew something was going on. The real surprise for me was that I found a group of people who genuinely care for each other. Some of them may have had to shift some stuff around, or skip a holiday party at their church or work. They did it. They were there. I meant enough to them that they made my birthday party a priority in their lives. I hope that they know how much I appreciate that.

I guess we don’t have to be stuck with the family that God gives us. We can make our own families as we go along.