The Ballad of Wallace Thaddeus Linkletter

Wallace Thaddeus Linkletter
dreamed a brilliant little plan:
he would slay himself a dragon
and become a famous man.

He reflected on what he’d buy
with the dragon’s golden hoard:
a gazillion room mansion
and the title of Sir or Lord.

He would keep the finest stables
of the purest breed of stallions
and wear a snappy uniform
adorned with gold medallions.

His servants would all dress
in livery of the finest style.
His floors and walls would gleam
in designer mosaic tile.

Wallace Thaddeus Linkletter
could see his future clearly:
the world would know his deeds
women and children would love him dearly

Men would sit in bars and pubs
and regale his fell exploit.
Songs would praise his mighty glory
from Istanbul to Detriot.

The Queen from her mighty throne
would grant a holiday for his feat.
They’d march a parade in his honor.
down the city’s broadest street.

Of course the grandest mark of fame
a sign that there can be no one bigger
is when the stores stock their shelves
with the Linkletter action figure.

Wallace Thaddeus Linkletter
is still dreaming of his fame,
and that is why ‘til this day
you have never heard his name.