Once More Into the Breach, Dear Friends

According to the counter on my blog page, we are coming up on 2 years and 16 months of Troy in our lives. What do you do when you do not have children for 14 years, adopt a boy, and he is perfect. What, nobody's perfect you say. No-- Troy is perfect. Let me list the ways that he is perfect for you:

* He eats his vegetables, all of them, and loves them
* He know his abc's and his 123's already
* He says please and thank you, and knows when and where to use these phrases
* He loves to go to bed
* He is cute
* He tells us what is bothering him so that we can help him
* Even when he does throw a 2-year-old fit, he keeps them short

Did I mention that he is perfect?

He is perfect in all ways, but one-- and that is our fault. He would be a perfect older brother, but we have really done nothing about that. Well, it's not like we haven't tried the more conventional means of baby making, but it just hasn't been our strong point. So, after enjoying his infancy, and getting two years older, we decided to pull the trigger on adoption numero dos.

This time we come to the battle armed with the knowledge of how things work. We come ready for the guilt and trauma that no one ever told us about. We come hoping not to wait another five years, but prepared to do so if we must. We come hoping that a perfectly lovely woman wants a perfect older brother to play with her yet-to-be born baby. Yes, as Henry the V said, "Once more into the breach, dear friends!"

Getting the Word Out There

Last week we had some difficult news come our way. Our doctor raised a concern over the asymmetric manner in which my son's head is growing. He used a big word: craniosynostosis. I looked it up on WebMD (http://www.webmd.com/hw-popup/craniosynostosis-craniostenosis), and did not like what it had to say. What I really disliked was at how this big medical word attached itself to my son. This condition comes about when a baby's skull comes together too early. When the sutures seal too early it causes the baby's head to grow in a mis-shaped manner. The brain can find growing room in such a skull a premium. To be short, the condition results in a life of pain, developmental delay, and seizures.

We set up an appointment with a pediatric neurologist for next Friday. I hope that we will find some answers to questions that I did not have before this week. Ok- to be honest I hope that my doctor's concern, though well-founded, is wrong.

I just want to invite my friends and family out there to say some prayers for us as we prepare for Friday. We can use all of the faith, prayers, fasting, love, and support that our loving family and friends have to offer.

ANGER MANAGEMENT

I can’t really pinpoint when it all started. I have my theories, most of them stemming from semi-abandonment issues that I may have developed after my little brother, L, had his accident. I’m nearly certain that it all didn’t happen until after that event. I can’t even really narrow my memories down to the first time that I let it happen.

Oh yeah, you heard me correctly, I “let” it happen.

I have always had a temper, but I managed to hold it in for a long time. Not at home, mind you, I would go off at home. However, sitting in class I would not have let out the beast that simmered just below the surface of my public emotions. I do know that certain people became regular targets, and others would never be the subject of my violence. Really, if I could find Doug Moe, Jason Ernst, Shawn Moore, J.P. Guerra, Mike Christy or any of the other people that felt terrorized by my lack of anger management skills, I will do anything to show them how sorry I am for it.

You see, I hit people. I choked them. I genuinely wanted to hurt people. That is just not nice. These are not the acts of a confident person. That is not how my parents taught me to act. That is not how society bred me to comport myself.

Sadly, I will have to wait for the afterlife to apologize to Dan Moe…he has graduated already from this mortal sphere. I can, however, say that I am sorry for being an ignorant mess to my friends who knew me.

I’ll start here: Andrew, Anj, I am so sorry.

MAGIC HAND OF FATE

Most folks never know
What magic has done
They walk with their eyes closed to the stars.
Most people ignore,
When they walk out their door,
The influence of Jupiter or Mars.

But for the few chosen souls,
Aligned with the Earth’s poles,
Each day is an unfolding mystery.
They see facts very clear,
Just as a nose is not an ear,
How arcana has shaped our whole history.

How does a boy of small stature,
The son of a lowly thatcher,
Walk a path that leads to a throne?
With an enchanted sword,
A well-spoken word,
He claimed royal right as his own.

Behold the great and wondrous works of man
All guided by a hidden magic hand.

This one is for Justin Olsen

NO MORE A GUN VIRGIN

I have to make this confession. I have to do it now while I have the nerve to do it. It’s always hard to admit these things. I mean, I’m an American, I live in Colorado—it’s not like I haven’t seen this sort of thing on the streets, in my father’s bedroom closet behind his church suits, on television. I know that my friends have had experience in these things for much longer than I, yet I would just laugh along at their stories as if I knew the titillating thrill of which they spoke.

Well my days of pretending are over. I am now a man of experience—at one with the ways of the world. I know the secret passion that I had always longed for but was just too timid to take. I am no longer a gun virgin.

Oh, don’t think that I haven’t dabbled. I’ve experimented as a teenager—who hasn’t? But I never really went “all the way” when it came to firearms. I have looked down the barrel of my dad’s .22. I’ve seen them, touched them, and always wondered what it would be like to fire one. I played a mean Duck Hunt on the Nintendo NES. One time, when I was 15, I shot a black powdered rifle. I learned just recently that it had powder but no ball.

No ball--are you kidding me? I shot an impotent gun!

Last weekend, in the summer of my 41st year I went to Cherry Creek State Park where I ended my secret shame. I went with some friends to celebrate a 40th birthday and shot 12 gauge rifles at some poor, unsuspecting clay pigeons. In 25 shots I hit 13—not bad

Now I will take measures to ensure that I don’t miss out on the fun any longer. I am shopping for a shotgun of my own. I am researching guns, prices, and testimonials. I plan on renting a few before I buy. I am even looking into the law—so’s that I don’t go breaking it or nothing’ like that. (Sorry, my inner-redneck just woke up from a long slumber.) The law in Colorado is surprisingly more lax than the media reports.

Now I know what it is like to walk in the sun for the first time in my life. My step has a spring in it that I have never experienced. I’m going to take my wife shooting on Labor Day—she should share in this, up until now, forbidden passion with me. What a great day to be an American!

The Highland Wizard

He travels the hills by day
collecting roots and twigs and grass
he wanders across the valley
searching the wide morass.

He passes by no fungus
and covets every spice.
His skills at potion brewing
have earned a handsome price.

He seeks to help the widow
with the useless withered arm.
He packs a fragrant sachet
for a bridal good luck charm.

The mountain people seek him out--
they travel from miles away
to find the old White Wizard,
and no one refuses to pay.

The Truth About Mermaids

Gossipy little mermaids
Swim in their clicky pods
They speak in whispered voices
And give their judging nods.

So pretty from afar they are
But distances are concealing
When you swim in for a closer look
Barbed tongues they’ll be revealing

To your face they are your friends
But once you take your leave
They lean in close to giggle and jibe
About your bad hair-weave

They act like you’re an equal
And maybe share a tale of hate
But rest assured that once you’re gone
Your reputation is on their plate.

A Sprite at Tea Time

If you wish for the crazies to stay far away
never have tea with a sprite.
For they only will hear every third word you say
smirking to just give you spite.

"How are you this fine day? Have you had a good trip?"
you might say as you first meet.
"But you know that I bruise like a peach over ripe.
Do you have honey to eat?"

"Have you fallen my dear?" concern hangs on your voice.
"I see flowers are budding, it's spring."
"Yes I know that its spring-- never mind, take a seat."
"Takes? My dear no-- not such thing.

"It gives green to the world with a bright shiny smile.
That is the beauty in life."
Though she just came around, and the tea 's yet to pour,
she cuts your wits like a knife.

"And your mother, I trust, fares she well in these days?"
Maybe politeness will win.
"There's a plan, so I've heard, to raise up her rates.
My but three gold seems a sin.

"And for what, dare I ask, do you get for three gold?
Babies and children we are not!
But her fares she will raise, and of course we will pay--
My what a lovely honey pot."

And you see now, you do, why I gave my advice:
Tea time 's not time for sprites.
Though a lovely guest she would seem right at first
Always tea ends up in fights.

Researching Workout Programs for People Suffering with Multiple Sclerosis

Losing weight, as it turns out, follows a law of thermodynamics: eating fewer calories than burned results in weight loss. However, fitness involves desire followed up with determined action. Whereas for most people this may be merely an issue of self will, a person living with relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis (MS) will find that achieving fitness goals beyond just losing weight a difficult prospect at best. The Rocky Mountain MS Center relates MS as a progressive and unpredictable disease of the central nervous system. This disorder causes the immune system to attack the myelin sheath (the insulation that assists the nerve fibers in transmitting signals to and from the brain.). Over time these attacks can destroy nerves entirely, leaving behind lesions, or plaques, in the place of the functioning nerve.

“The damage from lesions disrupts the transmission of nerve impulses from the central nervous system to the rest of the body causing a variety of symptoms. Common symptoms include visual changes, muscle weakness, problems with balance, fatigue, numbness, and emotional and cognitive changes but there are many others. MS has periods when the disease is quite active known as exacerbations. During exacerbations symptoms can be more pronounced, but usually subside and sometimes go away after an exacerbation” (Rocky Mountain MS Center, 2010).

A person suffering from this type of malady must carefully regulate any activity that requires physical strength or endurance. Managing an exercise program to achieve fitness goals resembles a walk on a tightrope: building and maintaining new strength without sacrificing the already low reserves of energy such a person possesses. To achieve this intricate balance, one must maintain vigilance to select carefully a workout routine. Researching and comparing the workout programs outlined in Bill Phillips’ book Body for Life with low-impact aerobic workouts will help the MS sufferer to choose the best fitness options available. To complete this research, one may go to the public library and check out the book Body for Life as well as take advantage of the library's online database.

Body for Life and Aerobic Workout
Bill Phillips, in the Body for Life workout program outlined in the book by the same name, uses what he calls the High Point Technique. This is a rating system for the energy that a person exerts.

“On the low end – at level 1 – you’ve got the intensity of sitting on the couch and watching TV. Level 2 would be standing; level 3 might be walking; level 4 might be carrying a couple of bags of groceries in from the car; level 5 might be carrying those groceries of up stairs; and so on, up to level 10, which is an all out, 100 percent focused effort” (Phillips, pg. 60, 1999). To

maximize the effects of a 20-minute aerobics workout, Phillips (Phillips, pg. 66, 1999) has designed a system that will have the body burning fat for hours after leaving the gym. Two basic rules to follow: do the exercise while fasting, and do not eat for an hour after completing the circuit. The 20-Minute Aerobics Solution works by starting at intensity level five for two minutes. This acts as a warm up level only, and it is meant to be a self regulating level of activity--whatever the individual believes is his or her personal capability. Next the workout increases slightly up a notch to reach a level six effort for one minute. For next three consecutive minutes the plan calls for an increase in intensity one level for each minute, until the person exercising reaches an intensity level of nine. This is a minute of purely pushing the body as hard as stamina will allow but not quite at the point of all out physical exertion. Then the exerciser will retreat back down to a level six intensity “a relatively moderate effort” according to Phillips (Body for Life, pg. 66, 1999). Repeating that pattern three times, but at the peak of the final circuit the exerciser must reach for a level 10: maximum effort. End the workout with a minute back at level five. A person need not limit himself by what kind of workout or machine he uses, or to following a group’s level of intensity.

Although the plan appears flawless, one may question how much of this intense workout someone with limited energy reserves can endure. This calls upon the individual to monitor how much is enough, and when it is too much. This is a personalized system, made to follow the individual’s abilities, which makes it perfect for a person suffering from MS. A person need not pigeon-hole himself by what kind of workout or machine he uses, or by following a group’s level of intensity. Placing this system in service a person can use gym equipment such as a stationary bike, rowing machine, or participate in aerobics that require no equipment such as shadow boxing, or tai chi—the effort will equal the same calorie burn when done correctly.

Body for Life and Anaerobic Workout
The Body for Life workout plan of weight training allows the exerciser to listen to his or her body and perform up to potential. Switching between upper and lower body, and targeting different muscles each workout should keep the muscles in a constant state of confusion. To maintain a workable level of energy throughout the week, a person with MS may feel the need to back off on the intensity of the workout by supplementing the weight training with different anaerobic exercise techniques. Using a band workout in the place of weights will not decrease the effect of the workout, but it will allow the muscles more time to recover strength--which is never an easy prospect for someone who faces chronic fatigue.

Body for Life Eating Plan
More than just a workout plan, the Body for Life plan also offers nutritional counsel to help build the body. Phillips offers an overview of the program found on page 98. The system requires three meals daily balanced with protein, carbohydrate, vegetable, and fruit. Furthermore, the plan calls for three high protein snacks positioned between each meal and one after dinner. The plan also prescribes topping meals after seven p.m. The one unique quality of the plan is the “free day.” That is, a day when one can eat or drink whatever he wishes without negatively affecting the regimen. Phillips endorses such a day as a break from the body: both from diet and exercise. By allowing the body to recuperate on all levels, a person can expect better performance throughout the other six days of the week. Furthermore, by allowing a day of sweets, pizza, soda, or whatever else a body’s taste buds may desire the natural craving tendencies that follow such plans have no place to dwell.

Low-Impact Aerobics Options
Low-impact does not have to mean low intensity. Using the database library that the University of Phoenix makes available to students and faculty, one will find ample articles and academic papers that provide information necessary to make an informed decision. In an article written for the Canadian Journal of Health and Fitness, Mike Broderick suggests that one can “add intensity by making the moves more deliberate. Use your legs to move your body up and down with each move, make your arm movements large and strong, and feel your heart rate go up” (Broderick, pg. 104, 2007).

The problem with the low-impact workout comes with the individual’s ability to sustain the activity. Most people with MS complain of fatigue, and also with balance issues. These issues rule out many popular workouts on the market bases on martial arts, dance, or anything that requires a high degree of perpendicular movement. One way to erase these barriers is to move the aerobics routine into the water. In the Canadian Journal of Health and Fitness, aerobics expert Tanya Rouble touts the benefits of a workout which she calls Aquafit. This workout consists of low-impact aerobics in a neck deep pool. “Neck deep water supports 90% of your body weight and relieves stress on knee and hip joints.” She goes on to say that the buoyancy of water decreases the risk of injury because of falling and provides natural resistance no matter what direction a person moves in the water (Rouble, pg. 84, 2008). A drawback with any such low-impact workout remains the amount of time that they take to complete. This goes beyond just a scheduling conflict, but creates the issue of maintaining a balance between keeping fit and keeping energized. Unlike fatigue that the average person will experience after any such workout, the energy well of a person with MS does not replenish quite so easily. So a person with MS concerns himself very much with possessing energy and keeping it.

Conclusion
In comparing the two options of working out, Bill Phillips’ program outlined in his book Body for Life and low-impact aerobic routines farmed from the university library, one can see that both offer value to a person with MS, and both also present disadvantages. Both of them can produce results when done consistently and correctly. The Body for Life plan empowers a person to take charge of the workout. The activity level portion of the plan allows a day of increased energy, or for one of decreased proportions. With the low-impact aerobic solution, one must first find the right instructor or class. One must have either facilities or access to a DVD for instruction. Finding the right fit in an instructor, one who understands the limits of one with multiple sclerosis, may prove a difficult task. Perhaps through a local MS Center, such as the Rocky Mountain MS Center, a person may find such a situation. DVD’s prove to display little sympathy for the abilities of the person exercising, and so it may spend more time on pause, and in the case than doing much good. Ultimately a person with MS must formulate his or her own plan, with the help of a knowledgeable doctor or physical therapist, to choose which is right for the individual. The hope remains that a person can gain more energy through exercise, even while battling a debilitating disease.

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References
Phillips, B., & D'Orso, M. (1999). Body for life. New York City, NY: HarperCollins.

Rocky Mountain MS Center. (2010). MS: The basics. Retrieved from http://www.mscenter.org/education/ms-the-basics

Broderick, M. (2007). Getting the most from low impact. Canadian Journal of Health and Fitness, (295), 104. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?hid=113&sid=b2b612c3-9a42-4273-ba64-b35cf1d3d5ca%40sessionmgr115&vid=3

Rouble, T. (2008). Aquafit deep water workout. Canadian Journal of Health and Fitness, 305(), 84. Retrieved from http://web.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.apollolibrary.com/ehost/pdfviewer/pdfviewer?hid=113&sid=af8c363e-51f4-4166-a720-d0240cf47fac%40sessionmgr104&vid=3

Self-Portriat

This is a self-portrait of...well...myself. This is based on my results from the Briggs-Meyers Type Inventory. Now the career goals, interests, and the values all came from me.

A Very PhD Nativity Season

The Color of Danger

A dragon’s hue, if it is blue,
Has electricity in its veins.
With that said, if it’s red,
It will bathe the world in flames.

Green dragon’s spit, in a hissy fit,
And poison spews all around.
A frigid white, on a cold summer’s night,
Spreads its hoary frost on the warmest ground.

But fear the black, for they will attack,
It will gnash with teeth and swipe with tail.
Should these attacks miss, beware its hiss--
For acid breath will always prevail.

The Necrinomicon - Wrong, Wrong...and oh so WRONG!

So by now everyone who has a television has seen the great uplifting commercials put out by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints promoting the Book of Mormon, the Bible, and just being good Christians.



Can the Necrinomicon be value based and still raise the dead?

Reading Boy

Troy loves his books. He loves to flip the pages, and read like mommy and daddy. He points out which animals say "moo" and finds the kitties in his animal book. He loves to show us which "wild thing" is Max.

Such a smart boy...

Reading about the wild things.

Oombah-lah

Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah-lay
sings of the musical ogres
As they travel on their way.

Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah-lie
hums the musical ogres
‘neath the star-spilt sky.

Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah-loom
chants the musical ogres
while sweeping up the room.

Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah
Oombah-lah-ite
roar the musical ogres
as they enter into the fight.

Sir Xander the Long-Lived

Next up for Nanny Togglebottom's diary of monsters is the tale of a knight who just didn't find the heroic end he once sought. Not very monstrous, I know, but all monsters need a knight for glorious battle. Sometimes the dragon wins, but what happens after the knight has won so many battles the he is left a lone victor on the field of glory? Some knights live to tell the tale...if they can remember.

Sir Xander the Long-Lived

Old Alexander Mann, the old snowy-haired man, was once a knight of the realm
Sir Xander they called him then when he quested
with gilded shield and
with golden helm.
He never expected he’d see the days grow long with a rocking chair as his steed.
He’d always only ever wanted to die with reknown
with honorable acts or
with courageous deed.
Long years have passed since he had heard the alarm and answered the call to fight.
Little of the world’s turmoil reached his attention
in lovely Lady Pell’s Home
for a tired retired knight.

Truth be known he could hardly recall the day when he’d strap on buckler and sword
and charge in with a roar of heroic delight
against nasty trolls
or a raging goblin horde.
Little of the days of his valiant youth ever cross his ancient mind;
but on rare days he’ll regale and eager young page
with wild tales of adventure
and it’s tight, hair raising, bind.
Long had it been since he’d heard the alarm and answered the call to fight
Little of the world’s woes were allowed
in Lady Pell’s Home
for a tired retired knight.

Plato was Right

Back in the 70’s and 80’s my dad kept the only television (a black and white 15’ deal) under wraps in his bedroom. How could a growing boy, living in an age when not only did everyone have television in their homes (color no less), but most of my friends had a couple of TV’s, cable, and Atari—how could a boy survive? Oh, I survived. I read. I read a lot. I went outside and played. I had action figures (not “dolls”). I even had a couple of friends (but they lived on the other side of Kipling Street, so I didn’t get to hang out with them very often.) I also wrote stories of my own, and listened to a lot of radio.

That was when radio was king…a dying king with the usurper MTV emerging from the shadows. I used to listen to The Who’s “Behind Blue Eyes”, and I used to think that they were singing about me. Hey, I had blue eyes. I had reason to be sad: I didn’t have TV, my dark hair didn’t shine like the blonde tresses that my brothers and sister had, and I would never reach 6’+ height range that my younger brothers would enjoy. No one could possibly understand the sad man behind my blue eyes.

Yeah, how cool was that: The Who singing about me? I guess I never really listened to the rest of the lyrics back then. I never got how much non-sense rock stars could live with when they just wanted to sell records. They just gave up on language sometimes. When I listen to the old stuff, and then the soundtrack of what we will all one day call a “classic”, “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog”, they just don’t compare. The songs in Dr. Horrible waste no words. Not only music with content, meaning, and flavor…but FUN-NEE! These tunes stick to my brain as if held there by Dr. Horrible’s freeze ray technology.

It makes me long for the days when I didn’t rush home to my DVR life-- where if I didn’t record it…that’s because I can catch it On-Demand. A life where sit in front of my 74’ screen, with my laptop on my lap, and watch Barney and Friends with my son while updating Facebook, and downloading new music to my iPod. I would say that I’m wired up for technology…but of course I’m actually wireless. I went from the imposed stone ages of my father’s house, to an enlightened renaissance prison of my own virtual design. Now my soul feels dead…or just radiation burned by the LCD screens that mesmerize my brain.

How Platonian I have become. Is Platonian even a word? Oh well, I’ve queued NCIS up on the satellite…so who cares?

Oil Spill Madness + US' Tendancy for Bad Journalism = XKCD

Here is the ultimate worse case scenario, as supplied by the stick figure genius that brings us XKCD. I wasn't too worried about the oil spill. Oh, I know that it's bad, I realize the peril to the environment, and I don't discount the billions of dollars that Congress will fleece us for in the name of cleaning it all up...but I knew that we'd pull through.

But after this...I'm not so sure.

(I realize that the picture may be too small to see...so here's the link.)
http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/worst_case_scenario.png

Hexelplex (revised version 1.2)

His two green eyes are glowing lights of doom
(we love it when green doom dispels dark gloom.)
A doom that sounds soft like a waterfall,
and looks like a green alien baseball.
A doom that's fuzzy to a child's touch,
and smells of roses, lilacs, grass and such.
A doom that tastes sweet like hot chocolate
(far sweeter than a dragon will admit.)

He's dwelt under your beds since he was young
poo-pooing cocao's taste to his forked tongue
(but why must dragons' tongues be long and forked?
why not, instead, spooned, or knived, or sporked?)
Tarnations! Child of what do you speak?
A spooned-forked tongue makes for an odd physique.
So odd that he would not be fit to say
"So sings sweet Sally's sister songs that sway."

The smoky black dragon of happiness
so softly sleeps atop his glittering hoard...
Huh, what? I failed to mention the gold bed
that's worthy of a hulking dragon lord?
They're nuggets dear-- that fill your cavaties--
the golden stuffs that dentists like to use.
Old Hexelplex will nab your fallen teeth
while in the darkest night you snore and snooze.

Though Hexelplex seems scary in our youth
in truth he is the fairy of the tooth.

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Okay, this is revision two...and it's a modified sonnet (so to speak.) I'm still not quite sure what final form it will make. I will craft it as a villanel next, or maybe a ghazal. I just know that it's getting closer, but some lines will have to go to make room for my important new idea: the tooth fairy is really a smoke dragon.

I'm not thrilled with the last stanza. It broke the rhyme scheme of the first two, and really came out like a train wreck. Well...I guess that's why I call it "a work in progress."